The Space Between June and Now

Apparently I haven't written anything on here since the 10th June.

Which feels both about three weeks ago and approximately four years ago.

A lot has happened.

Actually, that's probably not quite right. Life has happened. Quite loudly.

When I started this blog it was because I wanted somewhere to put the things rattling around in my head. Not necessarily big things. Just thoughts that didn't really have anywhere else to go.

Then apparently I got busy having the things to write about instead.

I met someone.

Which feels like quite a small sentence for something that has changed quite a lot.

There have been weekends away, long drives, phone calls, stupid conversations, serious conversations, meeting families, talking about the future and all of the slightly terrifying bits that come with allowing another person into a life you've spent quite a while rebuilding.

And somehow we're going on holiday together on Saturday.

That escalated quickly.

There have been other changes too.

Paul has moved into his own place, which after the last year is probably one of the biggest changes to the day-to-day shape of my life. The house is quieter in some ways now.

Although apparently I have an incredible ability to fill any newly available space with something else that needs doing.

Work has been work.

Which, if you've ever worked in technology, probably tells you everything you need to know.

There are projects, migrations, meetings about meetings, things that were definitely working yesterday and somehow aren't today, and emails where you find yourself typing something professional while thinking something considerably less professional.

Music has carried on in the background of all of it.

Rehearsals. Concerts. Teaching. Music to learn. Music to record.

And tonight I'm sitting here with the washing machine on, the tumble dryer on, an iPad full of scores and a Tascam recorder beside me because I need to record choir parts before I go away.

I haven't packed.

I still need to iron.

I'm also currently worried that the suitcases I've ordered aren't going to arrive before Saturday.

Naturally the best use of my time was to open the blog.

Some things apparently haven't changed.

It does feel different though.

There was a point where life got very small.

Work. Home. Responsibilities. Get through the day. Repeat.

Somewhere over the last few months it has started getting bigger again.

Not necessarily calmer.

Definitely not more organised.

But bigger.

There are people to see. Places to go. Things booked in the calendar that I actually want to happen. Someone whose phone call I notice when it doesn't come. A holiday I'm meant to be packing for instead of writing this.

Maybe that's why I haven't written for a while.

I've been busy living some of it.